Semiserious Chefs

Let me start this post by saying two things. First, I know that there are many different variations or takes on the ever popular jalapeno popper. Variations that I would eventually like to try, but for now I thought it would be best to start with the basic or standard jalapeno popper. The one that most people think about when they hear that one magical word: jalapeno popper. <—- See what I did there? I made the text green like a jalapeno…

Second thing. I don’t care what you say, but if you don’t like jalapeno poppers then you’re either quite young (and I’m still trying to decide if that’s even an acceptable excuse) or a shape shifting alien posing as a human. I’m pretty sure of those two things. I know for a fact that aliens don’t like jalapenos unless they’re illegal…

Obviously, the reason I’m posting this recipe is because we have a website about food and that’s naturally what we do, but also because we were gifted a deep fryer over the holidays. And if you have a deep fryer, then you must fry things. Candy bars, bacon, hamburgers; those sorts of things. Up until this point I had simply been using a medium size sauce pan to do all my deep frying. Let me tell you though, this is so much better. And did I mention cleaner? I love the whole basket thing. It’s so convenient (this totally sounds like a sales pitch doesn’t it?) to just lift the food out when it’s done and let the excess oil drain off. And if I was an Amazon affiliate, this is where I would insert a link to the product containing my personal affiliate ID so I could make some cash if someone were to click through that link and purchase a deep fryer.

Oh how I get sidetracked so easily. I suppose I should talk about the poppers now instead of how to make some extra money by being an Amazon affiliate. Okay here goes. The hardest part of this whole process in my opinion is blending the seasoning and the lime juice together with the cream cheese. But then again, I don’t do things efficiently, so I’ve got that going for me which is kind of nice. If you have one of those fancy electric hand held mixers you probably won’t have any problem. But let me tell you, don’t use the back of a big wooden spoon like I usually do, because you’ll most likely end up with a giant cramp in your hand. It does help if you let the cream cheese warm up to room temperature however. Soften the cheese up it does. So recommend that I do. Sorry for those last two sentences, we just rented Star Wars: Episode V The Empire Strikes Back.

However you decide to blend the seasoning with the cream cheese, just make sure you get them blended well. It’s subtle, but the lime juice, salt, garlic powder and cumin really enhance the flavor of the cream cheese with no single flavor standing out too strongly. I have found that if you just use plain cream cheese with nothing added to it, your end product will be sort of one dimensional and in need of some salt. don’t get me wrong, it’s still good but definitely inferior to what we will be making with this recipe.

Jalapenos after five minutes in boiling water, prior to cooling and removing the seeds.

I decided to parboil (parboil is a stupid word in our opinion) the jalapenos for five minutes, and then let them cool down for 15 – 20 minutes prior to cutting them open and removing the seeds. If you like your jalapenos crunchy then feel free to skip this step. However, I find it easier to slice them open and take out all the seeds when they are a bit more flexible. In addition, I don’t prefer my jalapenos too crispy, so this helps soften them up prior to frying them in the oil. Also, if you are adventurous (or not quite right in the head) you could leave the seeds in the jalapenos and create a scorching hot, inconceivably gnarly masterpiece of evil. I wouldn’t recommend doing that, but it is an option. I’m just saying.

The jalapenos have been sliced lengthwise, and the seeds have been removed.

When it comes to dipping the cream cheese stuffed peppers in the egg and milk mixture, flour, and bread crumbs – you can do it a couple different ways. You should find what works best for you. If you check out any recipes online you’ll see what I mean. Some people dip the peppers in the egg, then the milk, then the flour, then let them sit on a wire rack for 5 minutes before dipping them in the egg again, and then the milk, and then the flour, and then dip them in the milk again, then dip them in the breadcrumbs and on and on and on.

I say screw all that. If you want to be cool like me, just mix the eggs with the milk and flour, and whisk the crap *** of it. Pardon my French back there but it just makes sense to me to do it that way. Is it the most efficient way of doing things? Probably not, but it works for me and that’s all I care about. In fact, it might make things worse when it comes to rolling the peppers in the breadcrumbs, but it’s quicker this way and that’s what matters. Wait, am I getting off track again? I better stop before I reveal too many more of my culinary secrets.

So my point is this, do what works best for you. For me, it works because it’s thick and allows the breadcrumbs to cling to the service quite well. Also – and I haven’t found a good solution to this yet – keep in mind that you will start getting clumps of breadcrumbs on your coating surface as you continue to coat the jalapenos. It gets worse the more you do, and these ‘clumps‘ don’t like to stick to the surface of the pepper. So apart from just grabbing them and tossing them in the garbage I don’t know what else you can do.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the recipe because I know we certainly do. Let us know what you think in the comment section below. And as always…

Actually that’s all I got. For the life of me I still have not come up with a good catchphrase. Ugh, this is so frustrating. Bye.

Trust me when I tell you, those jalapeno poppers taste way better than this photo looks.