The “I can’t even” chicken.

Welcome everyone to my third installment of “I Can’t Even!” The highly unanticipated blog series where I have no clue what I’m going to be talking about, and it’s quite likely that I won’t have a clue what I’m talking about either.

If you’re here today scratching your head wondering how you stumbled upon this page, I would highly advise you to turn back immediately, unless of course you simply have nothing better to do and feel like wasting twenty minutes of your time reading this ridiculous post.

Before I continue however, I need to get my on-page SEO set up properly. See, it has recently come to my attention that I could be doing a lot better to properly optimize our blog posts so we can get more traffic. Apparently, I should be using keywords in all different header sizes (h1, h2, h3 etc), and making sure they are within the first few sentences of the post in addition to using them in bold and italic. Oh yeah, I’m also supposed to keep the keyword usage at a particular density.

Fortunately, some generous pros were kind enough to leave me some helpful comments. For that, I am extremely thankful. It’s almost like I didn’t know any of this stuff. Let me give you some examples.

This one is from “seo plugin” and I bet anyone who’s running a website has seen a comment or two that looks like this:

Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at.

Did you just say AUTOMATICALLY? Well I reckon you just got yourself a deal, here take my money!!!

Now if I could just remember what my keywords were, we’d be good to go, because I don’t think many people are going to be searching for the “I can’t even” chicken.

All joking aside though, it’s almost like I’m doing this because I enjoy blogging without worrying about trying to trick the search engines. Let’s move on.

Here’s what “The Flash Season 3 Episode 6 Watch Online” had to say about our site:

I’m not sure where you are getting your info, but good topic.I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
Thanks for fantastic information I was looking for this info for my

It has nothing to do with search engine optimization but it raises a few very good points. First, I’m not sure where I’m getting my information from either, and I certainly needs to spend some more time learning about whatever it is I do. So let me just say this to you good sir, thanks for fantastic input. Mission accomplished.

Or how about this heartfelt comment from reader “vikings war of clans hack“:

This is a topic close to my heart cheers. Thanks

I don’t know what topic you’re talking about, but you’re most certainly welcome! I’m just glad we were able to make someone’s day a little better with said topic.

Now take a look at what “android game hacks” shared:

This is a topic close to my heart cheers. Thanks

Wait a minute…

These two must be really passionate about some topics. That’s cool. I’m glad they took the time to leave those comments without hoping against all odds that I would actually publish the comments and give them a backlink. It’s nice when people aren’t fishing for backlinks.

And finally, let’s check out what “cheap nhl jerseys” has to say:

big and curvy font styles, like curlz MT and Brush script should be used as that culinary production company. I’ve been self-employed for the last nine years, and I’m quite happy. Mild GM for the JetsBecause he was an offensive specialist on a team that had all its a defensive tackle with 52 tackles, 3.5 sacks, 2 interceptions, 1 forced fumble, two fumble recoveries, the bigger text. The particular charger seems better to place compared to the Astound. amazon .

I couldn’t agree more, and I have no idea what’s going on here. It’s talking about culinary production and being self employed – both of which, I am a huge fan of by the way; but let’s cut to the real bread and butter of this comment.

It begins by masterfully blending web-design with the culinary arts, before seamlessly integrating General Motors (they own Chevrolet I think) with the American sport of football, then finally ending with, and I quote, “compared to the Astound. amazon .”

Pure word weaving wizardry I say.

The less you think about it, the more sense it makes. And I like that.

So now that I’m armed with all this highly classified information, (I already knew all this) I won’t be doing a single thing about it.

That’s right, I’m going to open up Gimp or Blender and make a quick little picture which I will post below. I’m thinking something inspirational. It shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes tops.

Down arrow

Four days later…

Okay, so that took a little longer than I had originally planned but that’s alright. I think it turned out better than I could have expected. Let’s take a look.

Inspirational Snail

I signed this little beauty, so don’t even think about trying to steal it and claim credit for it. Just kidding, you can totally steal it if you want.

I said I was going to make an inspirational picture, and I delivered. This sad little snail is pushing himself beyond his limits racing up a grueling incline under the scorching sun. He wants desperately to close his eyes and go to sleep, but he is seeking the safety of the comfortable little pond not more than a foot and a half away. He hopes to make it by dusk.

And that’s how it’s done. Freehand drawing on the computer at its finest.

I’ll give you another example of freehand drawing. But this picture has been drawn on paper unlike my example above. I wish I could take credit for this picture, but I can’t. Like I’ve said before, I’m lucky if I can draw a stick figure.

One of my many goals is to write a book. And this is one of the primary characters in that book. As you can tell, it would be a medieval fantasy type of story, and I have a bunch of characters already swirling around in my head. It’s been that way for years. They have their own personalities and talk to me a lot. I’m not weird I promise.

Grumbit Bitterroot

This little guy is a gnome. He’s an alchemist and a tinkerer. But he also can be found dabbling in the illusionary arts as well.

This picture I’ve been talking about was actually drawn by a friend years ago and is one of my favorites. I don’t think this gnome could get any more gnomish. I mean, he’s got his tools and his potions and his awesome mustache. What else could you ask for right?

Anyway, I’m thinking I need to wrap this post up. Vanessa’s last recipe called for two and a quarter salt, so we’re running critically low at the moment. Please tell Archibald the beef Wellington turned out great.

À plus tard!

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